Obsessed with my Exterior
Most days I don't feel like I want to abandon my bulimia. It kind of is like exercising, no pain, no gain. This is sick justufucation, but again I am selfishly not giving up this eating disorder. When I hear other women speak about thier pain, shame and guilt that bulimia causes them this is not me at this time. It use to be before I ever stepped foot in the rooms of the Anonymous Fellowships. Now I am really in a new place in this disease.
My obession with self seems to be intensifying. I bought a pair of $300 Gucci sunglasses last week and seem to be shopping frequently. I trust that my disease is conforming into other behaviors now that I am sober. Just as my alcohol did at one time, these addictive behaviors work for me right now.
I don't get it, but am exposing myself so I can get desperate enough to feel like shit and begin recovering from the new reborne behaviors I am struggling with -- struggling? Not sure.